How Vin Scully Would Describe Parenting a 3 Year Old

Posted by Andy in Uncategorized

I have to admit a silly little hobby I’ve developed. I like taking topics relevant to my life, things I may have actually journaled about myself, and then seeing how some of the wordsmiths I admire might describe it. Here’s an example of ChatGPT suggesting how the legendary Vin Scully may have regaled us with the joys and pains of managing a toddler.

“Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats. The game of parenting a 3-year-old is about to begin. Imagine, if you will, a ballpark not filled with fans, but with toys scattered across the outfield, sippy cups perched precariously on the infield, and a mound that’s just the right height for a tiny pitcher who doesn’t so much throw fastballs as toss Cheerios with wild abandon.

Ah, the three-year-old, a true double threat! They’re as curious as a rookie stepping onto the diamond for the first time, and as unpredictable as a knuckleball on a breezy day. One moment, they’re the sweetest slugger you’ve ever seen, running full speed into your arms with a grin that could light up Dodger Stadium. The next, they’re a base runner caught in a pickle, wailing about a lost toy as if it were Game 7 of the World Series.

Let me set the scene for you. The day begins early, as if they’ve got an East Coast road trip schedule to keep. The morning is filled with small victories and dramatic defeats: a successful mission to put on their shoes, followed by a heart-wrenching meltdown because the oatmeal is ‘too lumpy.’ You’ll learn to cheer the wins—‘And he eats all his broccoli! What a clutch performance!’—and let the losses roll off like a foul ball into the stands.

Now, parenting a three-year-old is not without its strategy. You’ll need the patience of a bullpen coach, the flexibility of a shortstop, and the creativity of a pinch hitter. The ‘why’ questions come fast and furious, like a batting practice session you didn’t sign up for: ‘Why is the sky blue?’ ‘Why can’t I have ice cream for breakfast?’ ‘Why does the dog bark?’ Every answer feels like stepping up to the plate with two outs and the bases loaded.

But oh, the moments of magic! Watching a 3-year-old discover the world is like witnessing a home run hit deep into the night sky—awe-inspiring and unforgettable. Their laughter rings out like a perfectly struck ball, soaring high and true. They have an uncanny ability to find joy in the smallest things—a dandelion in the grass, a butterfly fluttering by, a cardboard box that becomes a spaceship.

And let’s not forget, folks, that every day with a 3-year-old is a doubleheader. The afternoon might bring a nap that’s fought harder than any pennant race, and bedtime often feels like extra innings. But as the house finally quiets, and you steal a moment to watch them sleep, you realize you wouldn’t trade this game for anything in the world.

So here’s to the parents out there, grinding it out day after day, finding the beauty in the chaos and the poetry in the madness. Because, as any baseball fan—or parent—knows, it’s not just about the wins and losses. It’s about the love of the game.”

It’s Cold and Rainy. And I Need Something to Do

Posted by Andy in Human Behavior, Personal, Seattle and tagged with

It’s that time of year when we’re all going stir crazy. But this year, I have a little baby who needs constant attention, so any moments I can break free of the house need to be spent wisely. My good friend ChatGPT recommended some ideas to me. What do you think?

1. Explore the Kubota Garden

Tucked away in South Seattle, Kubota Garden is a hidden gem that fuses traditional Japanese landscaping with Pacific Northwest beauty. The rain enhances the colors of the trees and the ponds, creating a tranquil, almost mystical experience. Walk along the serene paths, cross arched bridges, and enjoy the sound of the rain on the leaves. Bring an umbrella and good boots, and you’ll have the park practically to yourself.

2. DIY Workshop at Ballard Reuse

If you’re into building or upcycling, Ballard Reuse is your spot. This architectural salvage shop is full of reclaimed materials, from vintage wood to old hardware. They host DIY workshops on creating furniture or decor from salvage items. Even if there’s no class that day, you can spend hours exploring the treasures and getting inspiration for a rainy-day project.

3. Catch a Cult Classic at the Grand Illusion Cinema

Skip the blockbusters and head to the Grand Illusion Cinema in the U-District. This small, independent theater shows obscure films, cult classics, and indie flicks that you won’t find anywhere else in the city. The theater itself is an experience—an intimate, old-school space that feels like stepping back in time.

4. Pioneer Square’s Underground Tour

Seattle’s famous underground is something most tourists don’t know about until they visit, but locals often forget about it too. The rain makes it an ideal time to dive into the city’s hidden history. Explore the old streets buried below modern Seattle, hear stories about the city’s past, and walk through spaces that are both eerie and fascinating.

5. Make Your Own Terrarium at Glasswing Greenhouse

If you’re looking for a creative way to bring the outdoors inside, check out Glasswing Greenhouse in Capitol Hill. They offer workshops where you can create your own terrarium or plant arrangement. Whether you’re a gardening pro or have never kept a plant alive, it’s a fun, hands-on way to engage with nature while staying dry.

6. Shop for Quirky Finds at Archie McPhee

For a truly one-of-a-kind shopping experience, visit Archie McPhee in Wallingford. Known as the home of bizarre and unusual items, it’s the perfect rainy-day escape. From rubber chickens to quirky costumes, you’re bound to find something fun (or at least laugh-worthy) here. It’s also a great spot to pick up a weird gift for that friend who has everything.

7. Volunteer at the Bike Kitchen

For those who love tinkering, check out the Bike Kitchen in the U-District. It’s a community bike repair space where you can learn how to fix bikes, build your own, or help others with repairs. Whether you’re an expert or a total newbie, it’s a great way to spend a rainy day while doing something hands-on and helpful.

8. DIY Pottery at Emerald City Fired Arts

Unleash your inner artist at Emerald City Fired Arts. You can choose from a range of pottery pieces to paint, and they’ll glaze and fire them for you. It’s a calming and creative way to spend the day, plus you get to bring home your handmade art.

9. Indoor Mini Golf at Flatstick Pub

If you want to combine indoor fun, a little friendly competition, and local beer, Flatstick Pub in South Lake Union or Pioneer Square is the place to be. They offer mini golf and other games in a laid-back pub atmosphere, perfect for rainy-day entertainment with friends.

How did ChatGPT do? Like any of them?

Seriously, Just Get Vaccinated Already

Posted by Andy in Creative Writing, Personal

The only people who read this are friends of mine. And as far as I know, 100% of my friends are vaccinated.

But if you stumbled here from some random Twitter or Facebook post, please get vaccinated.

Look, I get that you may hate Democrats on principle. But there’s no reason to tank the economy and put the health of the nation at risk just because you want to make sure that the magical day you are sure will happen when you finally make $400,000 a year, your taxes aren’t higher.

Just get vaccinated. It’s safe. And look at it this way. If the vaccine ISN’T safe, you’re screwed anyway. Either 1/2 of us will be flesh-eating zombies and take you down regardless, or 1/2 of us will be dead and you won’t have a way to manage taking care of yourselves without any scientists or doctors. So you might as well just join us.

An Olympic Sized Irony

Posted by Andy in Advertising, Big Businesses, Economy, Marketing, Media

My deep thought of the day.

This is backwards-looking of course. But if the IOC powers-that-be had figured out last year how to test potential Olympic athletes for COVID-19, quarantine them when they got to Tokyo, and accept that they would have to ban all spectators, then a global population stuck at home would have made it the most-watched Olympics ever. Maybe by 25-40%. People would have been arguing on Twitter about archery and synchronized swimming.

But instead, out of safety, the Olympics were postponed a year. And in the summer of 2021, when we can all go outside again and do other things with friends and family, who really wants to sit at home and watch the Olympics? Instead, this could be one of the lower-rated Olympics ever. Tough break for NBC.

A Radical Idea for the MLB All-Star Game

Posted by Andy in Creative Writing, Personal, Sports

All-Star Games are notoriously boring from a competitive level. In football, there’s no real tackling or hitting. In basketball, no one plays defense. And in baseball, you have the oddity of having the least known players pitching and batting in the most important innings of the game while the stars sit in the dugout (if they haven’t already headed to the airport.)

But that’s fine, because the purpose of these games is that they are EXHIBITIONS that are designed to show off the players’ skills, not games that matter. So if we are willing to consider the Major League Baseball All-Star game a true exhibition, here’s a radical idea to make it more interesting.

In a nutshell: Don’t have a lineup.

Now what does that mean?

  1. Each manager will have their roster of 23 field players. In this proposal, we would keep the tradition that the 9 starters are the players the fans chose, and let them have the grand introduction in the beginning. But after those first 9 batters and one inning in the field, anything goes (almost).
  2. The purpose of this proposal is to set up the highest number of the most interesting matchups between pitcher and hitter. So once the 1st 9 guys have batted, Managers get to look down their bench and send up anyone they want.
  3. We would set some limitations, such as: (a) No batter would hit twice in the same inning. (b) No batter can have a 3rd at bat until every field player on the team has batted once.
  4. Defensively, anything goes. Let’s put together really fun defensive alignments for an inning, such as old teammates playing together, the oldest group possible, the youngest group possible, players from all the 1st place teams, all the 1st timers, everyone with a gold glove, or whatever other combination you can think of.
  5. You could also make it interactive, by allowing fans to use the MLB mobile app to choose the next hitters one inning.
  6. Basically, the idea is to have the most interesting combinations of pitchers, batters and fielders for 9 innings, and make it the most fun for the fans to watch.

So all the stuffy old dudes will read this and say, “No I like it how it is.” And that’s fine. But this seems like an easy way to add some fun to the game.

Tips for Buying Your Next Seattle Home

Posted by Andy in Uncategorized

So, let me share some intel you may not know – trying to buy a house in Seattle is terrible right now. I’ve heard about some people losing 7, 8, 9 bids in a row. That’s brutal.

We were not the unfortunate. We went scared into the home-selling process, and got a bid well over asking and about as high as any reasonable person would be willing to pay. So we were happy with what we got, but then we immediately had to take the money we were overpaid, and use it to overpay for another house.

Our first attempt was an absolute dream home. Truly immaculate in every sense of the word. We would have been able to move in, and not touch a thing for 15 years. The problem – just competing for it was sending us out of our budget. We were able to generate a little more capital by selling naming rights to the baby and peddle MyPillows door to door for 12 years, but end the end we still lost to someone with less financial restrictions. If only we’d have bought Bitcoin in 2010!!!!

But, having been on the winning side when we had the supply to sell, and now being on the losing end when we were the people with the demand, we had a pretty good sense on what to do next. So here’s our advice:

  1. I know it sounds obvious, but know your budget. It’s easy to get carried away because, “it’s only xx more dollars after all. If we can spend x, why not 1.25x?”
  2. If you set that cap, then you can go look at the homes at about 75% of your cap and find the best one of that bunch.
  3. At that price point, provided you find something that hits all your parameters, now you are dealing with the fatter wallet than the other people. You can just throw down a Max bid at your Max budget, and you are going to be competitive.
  4. But the other thing you can do is release an obscene amount of earnest money. Long term it really doesn’t matter. The money is leaving your account on Day 2 or Day 21 anyway. But making that gesture shows the buyer you are serious.
  5. And then of course is the financing. Being completely underwritten is as good as having a briefcase full of cash, and in some ways, preferable to sellers who don’t want to have to worry about a call from the FBI in a year and answer questions about where the money came from.
  6. There are some other gimmicks as well. Some people want a long rent-back. Those who want it REALLY want it, so you might as well do it. Also, you can offer little things like paying for moving or giving them access to a storage shed. At some point, convenience becomes a factor to the seller and the few extra dollars you spend to make their life easier can pay off.

Do you have any stories or suggestions?

Hopes Vs Goals

Posted by Andy in Human Behavior, Personal

I’ve been listening to a few more podcasts lately, and reading a few more thoughtful articles about how our mindsets may have changed since February 2020, and how they will change again as we re-enter “the new back to normal.”

Two words that I’m seeing a lot are, “hoping” and “goal-setting.”

Of course, “hoping” is when I do the same thing over and over and consider the idea that something better may happen. I can do the same routine at the gym and hope this week I lose weight. Or I can perform the same tasks at work and hope that I get a raise and promotion. Until recently, I hadn’t really considered how much simply maintaining my status quo makes me rely on hope.

Goal-setting, however, is a powerful thought exercise. If my goal is to lose 20 pounds, I need mini-goals to get there. A goal on how and when I eat, how and how much I exercise, if I walk to the grocery store instead of drive, etc… All these achievable little goals bubble up into a macro-goal that is attained as a result.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with hope when it circumstances that you have no control over. I hoped a vaccine would be discovered, that I’d be able to attend Sounders games again, and most recently, that I wouldn’t be attacked by a swarm of 1,000,000 cicadas. These hopes came true, and I am grateful.

But I’m not going to simply hope for those pounds to fall off. That’s going to have to happen by hitting some goals.

A Proposal: The May 32nd NFL Trade Day

Posted by Andy in Creative Writing, Sports

WARNING: Crazy dumb sports idea ahead. Hit the back button if that’s not your thing.

We all love NFL football. At least the stats and ratings say so.

But here we are in late May with no football to talk about. The draft is over. Training camp is still 2 months away. It’s a content desert. Well, I have a dumb idea to fix that.

On the NFL calendar, let’s change June 1 into May 32. And on that day we will have the Annual NFL 32 Team Trade. A made-for-TV, one-hour event. Here’s how it works:

  • On May 31, every team submits 3 names into the Trade Pot. These players must be under contract and not Draft Pick or Undrafted Free Agent from that year’s draft.
  • The draft begins on May 32 (June 1). The last-place team from the season before gets the first choice of the players in the pot.
  • Whichever team has their player chosen pulls the rest of their players off the board and gets the next pick.
  • And so on until every team has lost one player and gained one player. A true 32 team trade.

Yes, I know it doesn’t work. But this is my reminder to everyone to keep thinking creatively. Keep coming up with dumb ideas. You never know where a dumb idea might lead.